i go to write and saw this was in my queue
it is within this moment i learn of what i am made.
blood
guts
love
hate
live
laugh
love
you live life the way you believe you should and in the end you lose anyway.
well, maybe not completely. for however long the moment lasts in which you loathe all that is negative in this world, you do.
then time does its thing and you grow up.
live fast, die hard.
yeah thats right, i stole it.
who cares, its so applicable in many ways.
overdue.
you could be in a room full of people yet still find yourself alone.
reach over to find a cold pillow, you groan and turn the other way.
our whole lives we seek to find one with whom we share our heart, dreams, thoughts, desires and future.
tunnel vision.
“you dont listen to a song to get to the end.”
cause when you do, you miss the notes in between.
if i hear that one more time …
… ill be sad.
my riding buddy. pal. bike gang co-founder. best friend.
tho he almost got me ran over on south van ness once, i miss time spent on the saddle with my riding buddy.. pedaling thru sunshine and (how could i ever forget the classic) “miles of smiles”? it was just. awesome. and hella fun. and all the reasons why i love to ride.
the bunny hops and impressive quick no hand climb up fort point to the bridge.
the first time i rode down embarcadero without hands (yea yea obligatory look ma no hands insert here) thanks to his help. i didn’t eat sh*t. i was super stoked.
or that one time i got a flat. i remember telling myself, omg, theres no one else id rather be stranded in bayview with..
and.
felty misses nara, too.
to say.
this sucks. loneliness sucks. i keep trying to remind myself of the need to feel. to hurt. to cry. to frown. to go through it all as a prerequisite to necessary growth, but it sucks.
monday thru friday, nbd.
its the nights and weekends when I’m without.
you.
family.
friends.
when i have time to think.
when the time moves in slow motion.
when i flip through moments captured in pixels.
and when i remember how fun that was. how good it was. how spontaneous and carefree it was.
its painful. its hard. and although id like to insert the infamous thats what she said line here, i can’t do it and laugh.
homesick? yes. because you were my home. we. were my home.
“Whyyyy can’t I meet a nice hottie
“Where the hell are they
“Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!”
- bff
“Psh no such fucking thing”
- me
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
- Dr. Seuss
i swear, that guy is a genius.. or at least, highly relatable.
as someone who always finds the glass HALF full of oj with lots of pulp, im always wanting more. dont we all? oh and dont forget the sliver of fresh fruit perched at the lip of the glass. sip. ah, instant satisfaction.
i dont know whats compelled me to do so but ive been inspired to write again. used to do it all the time. on the clock, off the clock. on the bus, in my mind. on a napkin, on a post it. on calendars and even on yes, my hand. the medium? purple ink pen. a friends lipstick. 0.5 mechanical pencil that would always rip the back of a perfectly flat, brown recycled napkin.
words. sentences.
amazing how letters in solitude make no sense whatsoever, but in perfect harmony with one another make for inspiring, heartfelt and breathtaking words.
on the other hand, they can ruin a perfectly good thing. its all a balance, i suppose. everything in this world requires balance.
work/life
life/work
love/hate
give/take
laugh/cry
but i wish it didnt.
boy do i, of all people, wish it didnt.
i want to give. i dont care to take.
i laugh profusely and cry sparingly.
i hate (i know most of you arent shocked at all..jerks.) but i equally - if not more - love.
deeply.
wholeheartedly.
selflessly.
unrequitedly.
ooooh yeah, that last one burns.
but hey, like the doctor advised: smile.
but hey, like kanye said: people in life are seasons and anything that happen is for a reason.
but hey, like someone once greeted: oh hi!
i lied joked.
i know what it is.
you inspired me.
your kindness, your heart, your thoughtfulness. your in-car karaoke.
the way you made me want to wake up an hour earlier just to talk. and listen to you talk to others.
the way you made me happy to be me - loud, obnoxious, funny, me. plain and simple.
last week was beautiful. perfect. amazing. happy. one-of-a-kind. explosive.
best one of 2011, so far. seeing how the year is half over, thats saying a lot. more than words can say, more than hand-holding can express, more than seat warmers can warm, more than smooth roads and bike lanes can save flat tires and accidents.
im not going to cry because its over, but rather smile because YOU happened.
sitting on the bus with my sunglasses and music on, i spotted a cute boy. with steeze. sexy legs showed thru slim fit jeans. cute butt, i thought to myself.
naturally i wanted a better look at him so i removed my glasses. as i did, i looked his way to find that he was looking mine and we stared at each other for what seemed like forever.
none of us smiled but as soon as he broke the gaze, i did.
<3. butterflies. smiles. smirks. chuckle.
this happened once again, but of course my luck would have 20th and geary as the next stop.
</3 but still with butterflies. smiles. smirks. chuckles.
and we thought we were so slick talkn behind his back …
